I'll admit it. I'm not coping well. After spending so long working to lose weight and streamline my body I feel like all hope is lost.
I just haven't had the energy to keep up with regular exercise, lunchtimes are spent cat napping and I'm usually passed out on the sofa by 9pm most evenings. October has basically just been about surviving, something which I've not really enjoyed.
As a result, I've lost muscle tone, I've lost strength, I've lost motivation and I feel terrible for it.
In the last 3 months, I've put on somewhere in the region of 2-5lbs. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, I can't accurately say what I've put on as I'm trying my hardest to stay off the scales. I've weighed in at 9st 4lbs and 9st 7lbs on the odd mornings I've weighed in. So chances are I haven't really gained that much at all, but I feel like I have.
My whole middle section is losing shape, I know its to be expected after all... I am pregnant. But after spending more than a year in tight fitting figure hugging clothing I'm struggling to find things in my wardrobe that I'm comfortable wearing. I've had really bad ab ache for the last few days, I presume as everythings stretching to make way for the baby which is just about to start its crazy growth (I think its supposed to start doubling in size every fortnight or something). I'm just not sure how I'm going to get on when it happens. Perhaps when I have an obvious bump it won't be so bad, right now I just look like I've eaten all the pies.
Its now less than a week until our scan date, just a measly 6 days. I wonder if when 'it' becomes a baby I'll feel better about the changes going on with me. I guess the excessive amount of hormones don't help, nor do my enormous boobs which seem to have taken on a life of their own. If I'm not feeling sick, my eyes are welling up at at anything and everything. I wonder if I am finding a certain amount of comfort in food right now. As I'm sitting here at 9.24am slowly making my way through a packet of Wotsits to take away the need to puke I feel quite content.
I really hope that the next few weeks see me return to a more normal version of me. I'd love to be eating a little better, I'd love to have enough energy to even just do a 30 minute session of exercise at lunchtime (I really miss the gym at lunch!). I'd love to be able to make the most of the crisp air outside and get out for weekend runs.
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Aw Nic, I had a horrible feeling you were feeling like this and just putting on a brave face.
ReplyDeleteI know it doesn't help really, but you have to try and concentrate on the positive side of this... Your body is doing something amazing right now. If you think about what is actually going on in there, it's pretty much a miracle of engineering and of course it's going to be hard to get your head around.
But just think, in a week or so that bundle of hormones you've been dealing with becomes a living thing, that you can SEE with your own eyes, and all of a sudden you're not 'getting fat' anymore, because you can tell all and sundry that you're doing the most incredible thing, you're growing a real life baby!
The sickness will start subsiding soon (hark at me, like I know what I'm talking about!) and you'll start feeling more normal again, or at least a little more accepting as you don't have to hide anymore, I do think physically denying pregnancy must have a negative effect on the emotional side to pregnancy too, like maybe you're battling with guilt over food and exercise because you've not allowed yourself to embrace the bump yet? But I'm equally just spouting rubbish at you...
If it helps, I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing you and mini-bump. Was thinking yesterday that technically I've already met it, haven't I! ;) and we'll totally take the day on your schedule (I admit I haven't heard of most of these bands anyway, I'm mainly coming to see you!)
Oh, and MrH isn't avoiding you two on fb, he's just trying not to speak to you at all for fear that he'll slip up. I've already caught him once as he was about to say something on your MrH's wall! :o Men, officially useless with secrets... (result of that though is he also wants me to ask you if you've managed to nab him a cd yet as he wanted to 'get to know' MrH lyrically before the gig! They're a strange breed...)
x x
Stupid hormones, stupid welling up. Thanks Kat :), quite reasurring to have someone else give me some perspective on it!
ReplyDeleteBen hasn't managed to get a cd, apparently one was out in the post but its never arrived. I think probably between the website, myspace & you tube you can probably find a fair amount of the new stuff. Can definately get you a copy on the 6th, but guess thats a little too late (unless he goes to the car to swat up :P)
I wouldn't put it past him, haha!
ReplyDeleteIf you need to moan you know where I am, I don't mind :)