This was my weakness...
Milka Cow Spot Chocolate. Stupid WHSmiths had it on offer at the till for £1 a bar. About 10 minutes and 530 calories later it was all over.
Now to question why... my trip to town had started so well. I went for a mooch in Holland & Barratt and saw a few things that if I was going straight home tonight I would have bought to try, but hot cars and food don't really mix so I didn't get anything. Then onto Dotty P's where I bought a new pair of Sunglasses (extremely similar to my current pair) and a pair of size 10 shorts - yes size 10 shorts. On reflection this should have been all I needed for a good feeling inside. Then I had to go to WHSmiths to get Terrorizer (as Mr H's band have a full page feature) and a card for the inlaws anniversary. I'd even seen the same chocolate on a stand elsewhere in the shop but it didn't tempt me. But when it came to crunch time I picked up a bar at the till and handed it to the sales assistant.
Did I do it because I was alone? Did I do it because I was bored? Did I do it because I still subconsiously reward myself with food? Did I feel empowered by making this decision even though I knew it was a bad one? Did it feel good to be 'reckless'? Did I think no one would find out? I guess probably the answer to all the above is yes.
Now, don't get me wrong every single mouthful of that chocolate was a little piece of heaven. Everything about it ticked boxes for me - the purple packaging, the way that the white chocolate on the milk chocolate made the bar look like a cow, its 100g size that meant I could eat it all, the childhood association with buying Milka from Woolies, the list goes on. But what is most concerning was the fact I bought it at all. In my handbag I have 3 nakd bars that I could have eaten, even if I'd eaten all 3 it would have been better than the bar of Milka. Going back to when I left work I had eaten a babybel to keep the hunger away whilst I was shopping, so even then my shopping trip intentions were good.
I've got 2 weeks and 1 day until I go to Dubai, why am I trying to wreck things for myself?! Its not like I've been denying myself recently, I'm definately a believer in a little bit of what you fancy when you fancy it.
I need to pull myself together and stop acting on stupid impulses. I'm now sat at my desk, not eating my amazing lunch (because I'm not hungry) and awaiting the sugar slump that is sure to arrive in about an hour. Great - just in time for the regular afternoon slump at 3pm!
When the sugar slump arrives, I'm going to come back here and blog about how crap it feels.
I have a theory, feel free to disagree, but I think it's a direct subconscious reaction to the pressure you've put yourself under to get a good result. Your diet and regime has been pretty much squeaky clean the last few weeks and the result of strict (though not limiting, as you've enjoyed yourself still) behaviour is often bizarre and unexpected backlashes...
ReplyDeleteIf it helps, it proves you're human after all, I was starting to wonder about your cyborg properties ;)
Chill, appreciate the crappy hangover as a good reason to not do it again, and you'll be fine. x x
(And what's MRH's band again? Matt asked me last night and I couldn't remember... Not that we talk about you every night or anything, just came up in conversation :P)
Arh Nic, I blame WHSmith! That shop is just ridiculous. If you can shop elsewhere, do so! I was in there about 2wks ago buying stationary and was appauled at how much choc and sweets it places around the store, next to magazines, at the tills - surely it wasn't that bad when we were younger?? Additionally - it smells cancer-sticks too. I've fallen out with WHSmith!
ReplyDeleteBack to the topic - ahem - as Kat says, it could be because you've been so squeaky clean recently. Don't sweat it. x
LOL - I was supposed to put "It sells cancer-sticks" not "It smells..."
ReplyDeletewoopsy!
I was thinking that I didn't recall it smelling of fags :P
ReplyDeleteI don't really feel like I've put myself under too much pressure, but I guess a certain amount of discipline has been applied to my life.
Another thing that has crossed my mind is whether it has anything to do with the fact I've not been sleeping well lately. Imsomnia can do crazy things to a person!
Oh and his band are the month beginning with O and ends with File. Being cryptic as I don't fancy this blog showing up if anyone googles his band!
ReplyDelete